Assalamu’alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh!

This is Kathryn Jones the Peaceful Parenting Coach, on the topic of Mum First. I know I talk about this a lot, but this is a very specific case.

Do you know what I notice over and over and over again? It’s that I have parents -- not just moms, but parents -- coming to me, thinking that their life would be better if their children would just behave. That's it's all about: if the children behave, everything will be fine. But do you know what, Subhan Allah? Most people aren’t realising that children’s behaviour is actually telling them something. It’s actually telling them that in fact, the parents themselves are incredibly off track, that the parents themselves are the ones that need to get on track first if they want the children on track. Do you know what? Most of the time, when parents focus on themselves first and get themselves on track, the behaviour of the children actually almost automatically sorts itself out.

It’s actually really quite profound. So the focus when your children are behaving in a way that you’re struggling with or anyone else is struggling with, first thing to do is checking on it yourself.

  • How are you feeling emotionally?
  • Are you stressed at the moment?
  • Are your overwhelmed at the moment?
  • Are you angry about something?
  • Are you sad about something?

Think internally about how you're going emotionally, because whatever code we’re playing inside, you emotionally is being heard by the children, and so their behaviour in somewhere or another is responding to what they're hearing. I am not saying that you necessarily say to them, “Oh I’m sad!” They pick it up. Kids are actually equipped to pick up that kind of message from their parents right from the minute they’re born. It’s not something you can hide even from a newborn baby. If you’re not feeling great, you might notice that your newborn is not sleeping that great. You might notice that your newborn is crying a lot more.

When it comes to the other end of the spectrum, you might be feeling stressed. You might notice that you’re teenager has withdrawn, and so they're staying in their room more. Check in with yourself first, check and see how you doing emotionally, sort out your emotional well being first. That’s one of the things that I teach, in well, pretty much everywhere I teach: it's all about our well being first, and then it’s about understanding our children's emotional well being so that we can help them, so that they will behave the way we want them to behave.

If you want to know more, you really should try my 5 Peaceful Parenting Secrets FREE training. It’s easy to find, you just do peacefulparentingsecrets.com, put in your name and email address, then boom, off you go. You can register to learn about the 5 Peaceful Parenting Secrets that stop the screams, crying and tantrums so that you can have the peaceful home you long for. Sounds wonderful, doesn’t it?

I look forward to seeing you in the next video, inshaAllah! Don’t forget to send me your questions so I can answer them here. Assalamu alaikum!