I get this question more than any other question. In this video I am going to give you something to think about and something to do. You have to get right to the end to find out what I want you to try.

When you have given it a go, comment below with how it went. I am keen to hear what happened!

For more about parenting from a peaceful place inside, go to http://peacefulparentingsecrets.com/

Today’s topic is about why kids don’t listen — it’s a comment I get all the time. “Ah, my kids won’t listen!” So first of all, I want us to reflect a little bit upon when we listen and when we don’t listen to people.

If someone is going on and on and on and on about something, do we listen? Or do we tune out, do we start listening but then we get to a point where we just glaze over?

The other thing I would like us to think about is, if somebody comes and they’re very stern, upset, and very cross with us — do we feel like listening and jumping to and doing exactly what they ask us to do? What about when we’re bribed or threatened? If someone comes up to you and says to you, “Look, if you get on and get the housework done then I’ll take you out to dinner,” — like if our husband was to say that to us, would we feel that that was the right way to be spoken to? Or would we feel threatened — you know, that if we didn’t do what we were meant to do, that there would be these consequences?

If we think about it as adults, we’ll come to realize that a lot of the way we’re communicating with our children is not really helping them listen, or helping them do what we want them to do. We have to remember, it’s us that want them to do something. If they’re in the middle of something and we want them to go and set the table, wash the dishes, make their bed, any of those sorts of things — do you think that their first reaction is going to be, “Oh goodie, let’s go and do what we’re supposed to do”?

We need to actually understand that we’re dealing with little humans. We’re not dealing with animals that we’re training with rewards and punishment when they get things right or wrong. We’re actually dealing with human beings — young human beings that have amazing minds, and that the key to actually being listened to, and respected as an adult is to stop and listen to our children, and respect our children.

Bribery, consequences, manipulation, yelling, screaming, going on and on with lectures — none of these things as you probably know, actually work. They may work occasionally, but most of the time, they’re not successful in getting children to listen.

In fact, I would say that our goal is actually beyond getting our children to listen. I think that our goal is more; that we want our children to be thoughtful human beings who think about things, and do things without us having to tell them.

Now you might go, “Oh, that’s unrealistic,” and yes, depending on the age of the child, it possibly is unrealistic. Very few children are not going to go, “Okay, it’s nearly dinner time. I think I’ll pack up my game and go and set the table.”

All children, however, are more likely to think in that helpful way if they feel a really warm, loving connection with their parent. And in fact, they actually want to come in and set the table because they want to be working alongside the parent that’s preparing the dinner, and they want to be a part of what’s going on. That they find that helping is actually a part of being close to the adults around them — it’s not a chore, it’s actually something that everybody’s doing together in a connecting, loving way.

I know this all sounds very high in the sky. We’ve been taught to say one, two, three…. and children do what they’re told. We’ve been taught that they should have consequences if they don’t, and what we have been taught is based on theories that came from experiments done on animals, not on humans.

We need to have a human approach because we’re dealing with little humans.

When was the last time you actually shut down your computer, or stopped the cooking, totally switched off your mind from all the other things that were going on, and actually listened to everything your child was saying? Gave them your 100% attention like they’re the only thing that’s important in the world in that moment? When was the last time you did that? And then, think about how often you do that.

If we want our children to be able to stop what they’re doing and really listen to us, then surely, we need to stop what we’re doing and really listen to them first. We have two ears, one mouth — maybe we’re meant to listen more than we speak. I am sure that some of you are a bit skeptical and not sure about what I just said; just try it.

Just try this week that every time one of your children starts to tell you about their day, or what they’ve been doing, or what someone said at school or any of those sorts of things, just stop talking and listen. Don’t ask questions, don’t advise them, just listen and see what happens.

And I’d love you to comment below with what happens, have some feedback about whether you found anything different.

For more about parenting from a peaceful place inside, go to http://peacefulparentingsecrets.com/

Wassalamu Alaikum,

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